Empty Nest Decluttering

October 10, 2024

Have you accumulated decades worth of belongings? One of my favorite things to do when I was a kid was to go into my grand-parent’s basement and garage, and look at all the cool retro stuff they had stashed away from the 60s and 70s. They had these groovy yellow velour couches, plastic cups with smiley faces that said “have a nice day”, lots of vintage tools, and who knows what else. They had raised 7 happy and motivated kids, were active in the community, and had 15 grandchildren. They grew up in the great-depression, and decluttering was not at the top of their priority list. But when it was time for them to retire and move from Arlington, VA down to Isle of Palms, South Carolina, they knew they needed to clear out their home. I was just a kid at the time, but I vividly remember the huge yard sale they had. Now as a Professional Organizer, I’ve helped lots of people go through this process.

Once kids have grown up and moved out of the home (either to go to college or to live independently), parents have a significant household transition to navigate. Daily routines change, leisure time usually increases, and parents often find the time to focus on their own personal interests or travels. Many empty nesters want to redecorate or repurpose rooms to suit their new lifestyle. Some even take this as an opportunity to downsize and move into a smaller home. In this blog post, I’ll talk about some of the main decluttering issues people have when entering the empty nest phase of life. I’ve also linked to several of the other blog posts that I’ve written over the years that are the most applicable to this topic.

Imagine What You Want

You may already know you want to transform a bedroom into an art studio or other hobby space. Or you might want to remodel or redecorate. Or you might not know what you want! That’s ok too. Going through the decluttering and organizing process will certainly help you get mental clarity about what you want your life and home to look like. Continuing to connect with your larger goal will help you stay motivated and productive.

Decluttering

Do you feel overwhelmed by the process? Where do you even start? Some organizers will tell you to organize by category (like doing all the clothes first) and others will say do go room by room. My preference is to organize by category, but I know that’s not always the most accessible, especially if your home is really full of stuff. Start with whatever is easiest for you. Ideally start with “getting rid of” the big stuff first so you have more space to move around. When in doubt, SORT. Find the lowest hanging fruit that you feel motivated to deal with. Don’t look at the hard stuff and think you need to make decisions about all that right now. As you continually look for the next easiest thing to sort and declutter, you will be preparing your brain to be able to make those harder decisions when the time is right. If you easily get overwhelmed, even though this blog post I is about moving in, the tips can still be applicable for quelling overwhelm: Unconventional Tips to Make Moving In More Enjoyable.

Getting Rid of Stuff

This can be a really loaded topic! Do you sell it? Give it to Goodwill or another charity? Give it to family or friends? This could be a blog post all on it’s own! Here is a blog post I wrote called Are You a Slave To Your Stuff?? and another one on Questions to Ask Yourself When Decluttering.

Yard Sales

Will you be having a yard sale? If so, visit a few other yard sales first before you really commit to doing one on your own. They take work, and depending on where you live, may or may not be well attended. Yard sales take time to organize, promote, attend, and then put away. You’ll need tables, possibly tents, a way to accept money, signs, and online marketing. You’ll most likely need to enlist help. They can be really fun, but they are always a lot of work. If you’re considering alternative sales options, check out these other two posts I wrote: Selling Your Stuff and How to Sell Your Stuff.

Staying Focused

It can be easy to get mentally scattered when decluttering or downsizing, especially if you have ADHD. Even if you don’t have ADHD, big transitions can be really challenging, and you might want to do anything else except work on your organizing project.

As a professional organizer who also has ADHD myself, I have written many posts on ADHD. Here are two blog posts that might be particularly helpful:

Organizing for ADHD Part 1

Organizing for ADHD Part 2

The biggest thing that helps people is that I have the knowledge, experience, and confidence to help my clients work through big projects- whether virtually or in-person. I also have the integrity to refer them to another organizer if I think there is someone who is better suited to help them with their needs. I help clients connect with their long-term goals. I recommend breaking the project down into manageable chunks, and mapping it out on a paper calendar. Connecting “to-dos” to dates will help you stay on track. Adjust your expectations as needed.

Psychological Barriers

Letting go of objects, or even whole homes, that are tied to special memories can be really hard. Sometimes it can even be hard to let go of items that have bad memories attached to them, because there is still so much grief associated with the memory. Some people might even get stuck on things that seem insignificant. I remember back in 2014, when I decided to trade in my old Honda SI hatchback with over 100,000 miles on it, I was shockingly more upset than when I let go of things that probably seemed much more meaningful. Even though I was getting a much nicer brand new car, it was all the memories that I had made with that cute little hatchback that made it so hard to part with.

It’s common for people to experience psychological barriers when getting rid of stuff. Ha- I sometimes even need a little nudge to get rid of “good” cardboard. (I like it for craft projects, but sometimes hang on to a little too much.). Common hangups are:

You’re worried you might need it later.
You feel guilty for getting rid of something that someone gave you or that you spent good money on.
You might have your identity wrapped up with your stuff. If you don’t have the stuff, will you still be yourself?
You don’t want to get rid of things that are sentimental. You’re afraid you’ll forget the memories.
You might be a perfectionist and can’t stand how much of a mess decluttering might make mid-process, or you’re afraid of making a mistake.
You get overwhelmed by the idea of such a big change and don’t know where to start.
You want your items to go to the “right” place (someone who will use them and appreciate them, will recycle properly, or will be sold for the best price, etc).

Here is a blog post I wrote about Decluttering Anxiety.

Here’s a post I wrote on Coping Mechanisms for Decluttering.

Parting with items can be easier for some people than others. The best way to deal with the psychological barriers is to surround yourself with people who you feel supported by, and who can demonstrate that they’ve heard you in a kind and loving way. If you feel rushed, or pushed, or unsupported, that will stall the process- or worse, it could traumatize you. It’s very possible that another major loss can make it much more difficult to part with more items that seem more trivial. If needed, have a licensed psychologist or therapist who can help you process all this change.

The Surprising Perk of Living in a Smaller Space

There are certainly many benefits of moving to a smaller space. The obvious perks are that it’s often less expensive, it might be in a nice community, it’s easier to keep clean, and if you’ve properly downsized- you’ll have less “inventory” (stuff!) to manage. Simplifying your home leads to less stress and more freedom so you can focus on your priorities. But the really cool thing that people discover is that because they’ve decluttered and moved, it’s like they’ve experienced a personal energy clearing. They’ve made amends with the past, so they can really live in the present. They’ve let go of emotional and physical baggage that’s preventing them from really being the best version of themselves they can be.

Not Ready to Move?

Even if you don’t want to do the whole “downsizing thing”, but you want to live in a more manageable home, here is a list of 80+ Micro Decluttering Ideas that can help you feel more in-control of your home.

If you’ve successfully navigated the empty nest phase, what tips would you like to share? Message me, and I’d love to add them to a future blog post!