Here you are. You’ve been dating someone for a significant amount of time, and you’re ready to move in together. Your home is large enough to accommodate your partner, but he or she doesn’t feel like the home is ready for both of you. Why is this? Your partner is committed to you, loves you, and has nothing obviously holding them back from moving in together, but there is still a sense of resistance. Some of it has to do with the physical logistics of the space, but there’s usually an energetic component holding them back as well. I LOVE love love working on projects like this! It’s so much fun to help someone troubleshoot their home so that their partner feels like there is space in the nest for both partners to cohabitate. In this post, I’ll give you 7 tips for making your home more amenable for the couple to live together.
- Clean up the clutter. Go through each room to make sure you’re purging anything that’s no longer needed. Old projects and stale memorabilia from past lifetimes are not part of what is going to help you attract your partner into your home. Do a really good clean of all surfaces, making sure to clear out cobwebs and old debris that may be holding on to the past. Give the home a good refresh.
- Let go of the ex. As you’re clearing out the clutter, pay special attention to memorabilia from past relationships. Even if your partner doesn’t seem like the “jealous” type, charged items like photos, old wedding presents, mementos from trips, or other sentimental items from previous partners can be taking up energetic space that subconsciously prevents your present loved one from feeling like there is enough space in the home for him or her.
- Make space for your new partner. Do they have enough space to store their clothes? Either make enough space in your closet or dresser, or purchase furniture so that they can feel like they can store their clothes with ease. Never pressure them to get rid of items so that they can move in with you. Create space in the living areas so that they can display their decorations, books, and other meaningful items. Talk to your partner about what they’d need to have so that they would feel comfortable moving in together, and so that the home would feel like an equal partnership.
- Make sure to give your partner space that is all theirs, so that they feel like they can still maintain independence and privacy. It will also be important that they have a space where they can continue to pursue their individual creative hobbies. This will support a continued sense of interdependence between you two.
- What’s going on in the relationship area of your home? Center this Bagua over the floorplan of your home (pictured below). Check the other areas to see make sure there’s not a blockage in another area of your life that is preventing the relationship area from really blossoming. In your relationships area, make sure to use pairs of objects or imagery that uses pairs. (Note, I practice Classical Feng Shui. We align the Bagua with North. To clarify any confusion, in “Black Sect Feng Shui”, they align the Bagua with the front door. There are several other nuanced ways of looking at the different areas of the home, but using this Bagua is a simple way of observing the different areas of your home.)
- Get professional photos taken of you two, have them printed and framed, and put them around the home. This will help charge up the energy of the couple living together in the home. Visual clues work wonders on your subconscious! When you look at the photos, have gratitude that your partner is there with you in the home. I recommend working with Tiffany Stumpf Photography or Shannon Garbaccio Photography.
- Clear up any limiting beliefs you may have that are preventing your partner from moving in. These could be beliefs like, “I’m not worthy of having a partner this great who also wants to move in with me.” Or, “Things are going so well now, but if he/she moves in with me, will it all fall apart?”. Spend some time figuring out if you have any beliefs about living together that might be aiding in the resistance, and then transform them. Some ways I like to transform limiting beliefs are:
-Write the negative belief on a piece of paper and burn it.
-Transform the belief into a positive “What if question”, like “What if I am worthy of having a partner this great move in with me?” Our minds love to chew on “what if” questions, but they are usually negative “what if” questions. Whenever you catch yourself in a negative “what if” spiral, retrain your brain to change that thought pattern by using a positive “what if” question.
-Transform the belief into a positive statement, write it down, and look at it regularly. You could even just write it on a post-it note and put it in a cabinet that you open daily.
-I have a whole handful of other ways to transform limiting beliefs, so be sure to ask me about it next time we work together!
If you’ve combined households with your partner, what has been the most helpful tip you’d like to share with others?
Send me a message, I’d love to hear about it!
By Jean Prominski, Certified Professional Organizer
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